I have struggled with rejection most of my life. It has spilled over to most of my relationships. Recently I have acknowledged and accepted that this root of rejection stemmed from my parents separating when I was 12 years old. My Mom and I have lived a functional dysfunctional life.
Both parents were incarcerated all of my life. My mom gave my great aunt custody of me at the age of two. I DO NOT have a relationship with her now and still consider my great aunt, my mother.
My mother whether she realized it or not broke me down as a young adult. The ridicule, criticisms, and "pokings" pushed me towards seeking love from other mothers, friends, and even males. I became guarded and my self-esteem was low because I was always seeking her approval and when I missed the mark, I felt broken.
My mom is an addict and has been all my life. She was around but she was a model chasing men and money so my grandma pretty much raised me.
All my adult life I’ve tried to figure out a way to help her and every time nothing works.
I deal with the grief of the sudden death of my mother 5 years ago. I struggled to understand how she allowed her past battle with alcoholism take her away from mothering me as a young child. Today I struggle with the guilt of possibly still being angry with her for it.
My mom struggled with alcoholism which she turned to as a coping mechanism after falling in love with a man/husband who became a heroin addict and spent many years incarcerated. Raising 4 daughters, often alone because of her husbands repeated incarceration. The struggle for her was real! The battle was real! But she too overcame alcoholism
My mother was addicted to drugs when I was younger. She was verbally and mentally abusive to me. She hated me when I got older due to the relationship I had with my dad. Growing up with her was like growing up with a frenemies (friend/enemy) and not a mother.
Evidently my mother endured something very traumatic when she was with my father either before or after. I’m assuming after my mother had me and over the years of wondering who and where my father is and in asking her she has not been fully forth coming ...... but in not knowing for me my life has been a roller coaster meaning not knowing what true love is and searching for love in all the wrong places.... feeling like she holds the key to me being truly free! I am still healing in this with her
I never truly felt safe to be open with my mom. I hid I had been molested out of fear of being in trouble. Even after I was given an IEP, I felt so alone and ashamed. I always hoped for better communication with my mom, and TODAY we are best friends.
My mom was an extremely hard worker. She worked three jobs, she was brutally beaten most of the time by my father, she lost several children from the beatings and she tried to hide us by moving away, but it did not protect us from him hurting us. My mom and I are still healing our relationship.